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Advice For Your Life, According to Spam

Spam. And I’m not talking about the mystery meat that comes in the iconic blue and yellow can. I’m talking about those unwanted and very annoying emails that come from unknown sources and at all hours of the day and night. In the snail mail world, this would be the junk mail. With the three-day weekend behind us, my office email was screaming for some relief. It only took a few seconds to understand that most of the emails were spam emails. I had offers to get a prestigious university degree of my choice – never leaving my home. Awesome. I always wanted to wear my PJs to class while learning to become a lawyer, doctor, teacher and yes, even a rocket scientist. No joke. Rocket scientist was listed in the subject line. I had another opportunity telling me I could get my very own free hover round chair, with no doctor checkup and have it sent to me right at home. I would never have to walk again. I’m only 33 years old and I’m willing and able to walk around, but I’ll keep it in mind. Then there was the Nigerian prince that needs some help. Even a […]
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Sountrack of Life

Music has always been a huge part of my life. A few of my first introductions to music was from lullabies, Sesame Street and School House Rock, with a little bit of Willie Nelson and the soundtrack of the Movie “Annie”thrown in for good measure. Sadly, there is a home video of the last two. But as I was growing older and making some of my own choices, I started to enjoy different music from many different artists, such as the Beatles, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Prince, Cyndi Lauper, Huey Lewis and the News, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on The Block and even the late Whitney Houston. Even now hearing certain songs can bring me back in time. Whitney Houston songs are a part of that past, too. Here are just a few that do just that. “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” – This was one of the first music videos that I saw on MTV; and after seeing the video I wanted my hair just like Whitney Houston’s. This then started my permed hair era. Looking back, maybe not the best idea, but that’s a whole different story. “Didn’t We Almost Have it All” – I was at my very first coed […]
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Get in Line, Miss America

Every girl growing up daydreams one time or another of becoming the next Miss America. I myself would dress up in my most evening-gown-looking-dress and sing, “Here she is Miss America,” while walking down my runway waving at my audience of stuffed animals. Kenosha’s very own Laura Kaeppeler was crowned the 2012 Miss America in LasVegas. Laura seems like a very nice woman and has made it her platform to support children of incarcerated parents to feel less alone, along with mentoring and continuing to have as much of a relationship with their parents as possible. A very noble cause if you ask me. Oh, and did I mention she is drop-dead gorgeous and smart. Who could dislike her? OK, maybe dislike is too strong of a word, but has a misunderstanding with her? Um … I do. I can already see the hate emails clogging my inbox that I’m going to be getting on Friday. Let me explain why. In the segment where the Miss America contestants introduce themselves, Laura took the time to send out a little message – “If you’re watching, Aaron Rodgers, call me.” If you don’t know who Aaron Rodgers is, he is the quarterback […]
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Honorary Member of the Dead Plant Society

I have dreams of fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, radishes, lettuce and greenpeppers that I have grown all by myself. There is a just one teeny weeny problem: I haven’t met a plant that hasn’t died in my care. I’m like the Grim Reaper to plants. If you have a plant that just will not die, send it my way. It will be in plant heaven within the week. My first victim was a ficus tree that I bought to spruce up my very first apartment. I did everything. I named him Fred the Ficus, gave it water, sunlight, fed it plant food and put easy listening music on the radio when I went to work. I even read him goodnight stories. I thought things were going great with Fred and I, but I guess he didn’t feel the same. Fred passed away just four days after I brought him home from Home Depot. Yep you read that right: four days. I’ve killed too many herb gardens to count. After the Fred fiasco, I learned not to name any plants. I even brought a gardening how to book, but the results were always the same. Even a cactus lost the will […]
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Pinky

“What kind of town do you guys live in?” Both Jason and I heard this phrase a few times from friends and family. DeForest might be the unofficial home of giant fiberglass animals. Even Windsor joined in on the fun with a giant mouse sitting on top of a roof enjoying a wedge of cheese. “So is the school’s mascot a pink elephant?” a friend of ours asked us a few months ago. “No, it’s actually a little Norwegian guy. They’re called the DeForest Norskies. That’s just Pinky.” “Pinky” has been at the Citgo station for about 50 years. I’m not sure if Pinky is his legal given name, but that is what I and many friends of mine have always called him. When I was a kid, every time we would stop there my sisters and I would run over and say “Hi Pinky” and take turns sitting in the crook of his trunk. Just like Dumbo did. I even had a bumper sticker of Pinky that I slapped on my suitcase. Pinky the pink elephant has had a few owners; and has even had a some work done along with a makeover or two. When I was a […]
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